Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
