I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
