Already got asked if we're dating
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
