Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
