He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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