i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
