I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize