guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
