dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
