im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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