she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
