your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
