Can Purell be used as lube?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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