Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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