The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
whose ass print is on the piano?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
