I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The uberlube is also flammable
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
