I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
