I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
