After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
