cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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