I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
