new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
