I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
