She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
