You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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