Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
