I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
