Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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