how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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