Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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