his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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