So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
