I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize