great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
