I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
