So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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