We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
