I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
