It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
