i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
