I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
