That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
