It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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