Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
