Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
