it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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