my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
