we have officially mastered the walk of shame
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize