then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
