Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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