yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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