So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
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