Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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