She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
