im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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