I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
