Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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