paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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