Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
