We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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