He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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