why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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