11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
