That's when you crack a 10am beer
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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