Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
