It's Friday. Sex?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
