This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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