go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
