Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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