I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize