I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm like, not good at living.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
